Silence the (Inner) Critic

Overcoming Imposter Syndrome as a Female Founder

"The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it." - Jordan Belfort

Women’s day just went by. And as a woman, did you notice how every messaging was about how we are perfect in spite of the imperfections? I find it interesting that no message was direct - Can we not just wish happiness, success and abundance to women around? It is always about how our smiles move the world, how the imperfections are perfect and how we are beautiful in every size. I am not sure why there is so much emphasis on ‘acceptance’.

Interestingly, Week 9 post on my top learning - the point of being held to higher standards and questioned more as a woman, found the most love, and resonance among my women friends. If I were to take the unbiased view on this, and a slice of psychology, I am of the firm belief that ‘we allow this to happen’. Are we the ones contributing to this challenge? In simple words, are we a victim of the Imposter Syndrome?

Big words - I never believed this was real. But imposter syndrome is something that has affected most of us, and I see that so often in conversations with my women friends. If we are successful in what we have created, we are quick to attribute this to others (our family, our inner circle, our mentors) and rarely acknowledge this to our own abilities. There is a strong attempt to downplay achievements for the fear of being branded “ambitious”, “aggressive”. And that is the message we give the world. It is a constant battle between the rational mind, which knows that you have earned the achievements through hard work and talent, and the inner critic, which tells you that you’re a fraud and going to be exposed at any moment. I can only say one word “Be unapologetic!” about your failures and your success.

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Personally, if I look back, what is interesting is that my imposter syndrome seems to come and go in waves. Sometimes I'll feel incredibly confident and self-assured, and other times I'll be consumed by self-doubt and anxiety. I think a lot of it has to do with the context I'm in - when I'm surrounded by supportive mentors and colleagues, I feel more secure in my abilities, but when I'm in a competitive or hostile environment, my imposter syndrome can be triggered.

If I were to take a rational viewpoint, what I have learned over time is that imposter syndrome is a normal and common experience, especially for women in male-dominated fields.

"Imposter syndrome is not a unique experience, but a common one. It's a signal that you're pushing beyond your comfort zone, and that's a good thing." - Melinda Gates

That being said, imposter syndrome can be a real obstacle to success if you let it take over. As women, I think we give away our power too easily to others, and find reasons why we cannot succeed. It is about the inner voice that nudges you, saying you are not good enough. This voice then gets amplified by the voices around us and we forget we were the ones who encouraged the voice outside. It is key to develop coping strategies that help manage anxiety and negative self-talk. These might include talking to a supportive friend or mentor, practicing mindfulness and self-compassion, or focusing on concrete evidence of past successes. I will not go into solutions as I am not a trained psychologist. I think if we internalize enough and are present to the inner critic, we will find the tools to address this.

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Overall, imposter syndrome is a complex and multifaceted issue, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. But by acknowledging and owning our experiences of self-doubt and insecurity, we can start to break down the stigma and seek support. It is about reframing your mindset if you have to overcome this.

If you are really interested in diving deeper, and understanding the psychology behind this behaviour, I would recommend reading this : "The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: Why Capable People Suffer from the Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of It" by Valerie Young. In this book, Valerie Young explores the phenomenon of imposter syndrome, in which high-achieving individuals struggle to internalize their successes and feel like they don't belong. It draws on interviews with hundreds of women and offers practical strategies. It is also a recommended book by Psychology Today.

Closing with a quote from my favourite teacher. Love to all and continue to make every day Women’s Day!