10 years / 6 Lessons
2023: Lessons from being a woman founder
We are in March, and of course March 8th being celebrated as Women’s day, I will dedicate this month to all the women at work, at home and in life. It has been almost a decade of starting my second venture - and it has been interesting building a venture in a space where 99% of my segment is male dominated.
A decade seems long - I would say I am a bit wiser, happier and a lot more experienced in understanding the current realities. Over the years of building my startup, I had instances when I felt defeated just because I was a woman, and someone questioned if I was ‘really’ committed to my startup. I have experienced clubs of male founders and the lack of a community I could connect to. However I also had people who betted on me, batted for me, my inner circle who cheered me, celebrated my wins, and dropped everything and stood by me when I needed them. Should I choose to remember being the victim? Or should I choose gratitude? It is our own choice to make.
Today I share my top 6 learning as a woman founder. Lessons I have personally experienced and learnt, and not read from management books. One might ask why only 6? I think 6 takeaways in 10 years ensures I focus on the most important lessons.
#1: Don’t let go of your BFF
As a woman, however busy you might be at work and managing your home, never let go of your BFF. Take time to nurture the relationship, Your inner circle grounds you and protects you. There are many subtle nuances of being a woman founder. Having people who are your strong advocates, people who will unconditionally stand by you, celebrate your small success, is the only way everything you create becomes meaningful. Social media today could create a false sense of glory, which fades with the job titles you hold or let go of.
A best friend is not someone who showers you with gifts and makes you feel good, and agrees to everything you say.
It is someone who gives you their ”gift of time”, can listen deeply, help you think through and can show you the meaning of tough love.
They are also called soul friends! You need at least 2, if not 5. Your family, your workplace friends and your partner does not count as BFF. If you don’t have them, invest in building those relationships today. I have been fortunate to have an amazing circle, and I realised that they are my best investments over time.
#2: Be Unapologetic about your aspirations. Let go of “negative” influencers.
Don’t explain why your aspirations seem bigger than life, and look / sound unachievable. I intentionally used the word ‘aspiration’ versus ‘ambition’ as it still carries the tone of “aggressive behaviour”. There will be many instances - small conversations, side remarks that make you uncomfortable, or suddenly put you in a space of having to explain your intent. Be comfortable with being uncomfortable but don’t let that question your aspiration. Opinions are created from personal context of unfulfilled dreams, missed opportunities and one’s own limitations. Don’t allow others limitation to become yours.
Watch out for friends who pretend to be your closest friends but always leave you feeling less. Let go of corrosive relationships that only remind you of your failures and question your aspirations. Be unapologetic of protecting your energies.
I have always been uninhibited in how I thought about my life aspirations. Over time, you realise that no one has all the answers and people question you from their limited understanding of you. Staying true and passionate to yourself is the best counter. Being a woman does not mean you cannot redefine paradigms. Be true to your own drivers.
#3: Celebrate you. Acknowledge the Diversity
We are in 2023, and we still celebrate March 8th. There is a bias. Accept it but don’t make it a reason for not following Learning #2. As a woman, acknowledge, accept and bring your strength to the business. In today’s world, the diversity can be very empowering. Women bring empathy to leadership in organisations. We can bring quiet leadership, and ensure we teach empathy and kindness at the workplace. Being kind does not mean you are weak, or you are incompetent. You just have one more strength you bring to the table.
However stay away from men who patronize. DO NOT look for validation and endorsements - my experience has taught me that the bias still exists. Even a few years back, I never acknowledged that there was bias. I had always maintained that if you are good, you would get the right access and the right support. However my experience of being a founder has taught me that there IS a bias. As a woman, you are questioned more, you are held to higher standards, and you are ‘expected’ to maintain balance in life, irrespective of what you created. Your feminine roles are judged, sometimes even by your closest friends. They see you as a woman first, then as a person. I choose to listen, but let my heart drive my decision on what works for me. I am not a fan of loud rhetorics. I made a choice that the bias will not define me. It is a choice you need to make if you want to use the bias as a weakness or be grateful for the many people who support you.
You can be kind and be right. Build on your yin. Allow the Yin and Yang to co-exist.
#4: Practice Self Care. Being Selfish with your time is OK.
Nature has created woman as nurturers. As a woman, you will always have multiple roles to play. Mother, Wife, Daughter, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law and the list goes on, along with your professional role. You have to take time and create space everyday for yourself, that is protected and sacred, with zero guilt.
Being selfish about your own me-time does not mean you are selfish. It means you are getting yourself ready for the multiple roles you play in life, everyday. As a working woman, you have 2 full time jobs.
There will be moments when both worlds merge, collide and sometimes don’t integrate together. and you need to be prepared for this mentally, and emotionally.
#5: Invest into your own financial health
As woman, (and I am still trying to understand why), we are very apologetic about planning our finances aggressively and investing into the future. We are perhaps not intuitively tuned to talk about finances, or talk about investing, for fear of being labelled ‘ambitious’? I have so many friends in my circle who are extremely successful as people - they have created some amazing ventures with great pay checks, but have always avoided conversations around financial investments and sharing knowledge.
If you have not read this book, pick up a copy today - Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel. It is probably one of the best investments you could make in starting today. I personally did not pay attention to this till much years later after I started working, and I do think financial freedom structures built over time for yourself allows you make decisions that can contribute to your long term well being.
Doing well with money isn't necessarily about what you know. It's about how you behave. And behavior is hard to teach, even to really smart people - Summary of the Psychology of Money
#6: We are always playing with a partial deck
There will never be complete answers to problems. There will never be templates to follow. Each one of us has a unique context, a unique journey and our own path going forward. You can take inspiration but not build aspirations around other people’s life story.
My belief is - life is always work-in-progress. We are always playing with a partial deck, with some unknowns, and some known. You can only connect the dots with what worked and did not work looking back. So be kind to yourself, and don’t seek perfection.
There is no perfect plan in life - only the intent to create the best outcomes, with the best you know, at this point in time.
I love the simplicity of the list.
Love all of them - its not very different for a man.